ninja18

You tell me how hard life's getting and how you've thought about suicide a couple of times. If only you knew how much worse I've had it since we broke up. I'm not saying you weren't in pain I'm saying I'm in a darker place and really want someone to help me. You don't know how much I want you/someone to just hold me and whisper in my ear that everything's going to be ok now that you're here. Every time I get in my car and I accelerate to highway speeds, I think about (briefly) how easy it would be to just jerk the steering wheel and close my eyes……I want my pain/suffering to end.

I've gotten to the point where I can't take my frustrations out physically, such as punching/kicking something anymore. Writing used to work and talking too. Now, whenever I need to release my pent up anger/frustrations, I yell. It causes blood to rush to my head, causing a type of high that lasts just long enough for me to calm down. I know it's not healthy, I mean my throat hurts just typing this. I'm lost, lonely and out of options. I can honestly say, now, I'm in desperate need of an intimate relationship.

I asked her out, given the fact it was over Snapchat *sigh* I know it was over the damn phone, and I hate doing shit like this over text. I just absolutely fear rejection and confrontation. I was in an on and off relationship for over 8 years and never knew anything about confronting women about my feelings. I’m still a fucking rookie when it comes to this shit. (*sigh* I’m 25) I feel like it was easier for her to turn me down this way……I’m going insane as a result